When you Begin Noticing Changes in your Elderly Parent

When You Begin Noticing Changes in an Aging Parent

One of the hardest parts of helping an aging parent is recognizing when the small changes you're noticing may be more than just normal aging.

The changes often happen gradually and they are easy to explain. You may find yourself wondering, "Am I overreacting?" or "Is this simply part of getting older?" Looking back on my own journey with my mom, I now realize the signs were there long before we understood what was happening.

Every family is different and forgetfulness doesn't automatically mean dementia, however, when you begin noticing several small changes over time, it's worth paying attention. The earliest signs of cognitive changes are often subtle and may appear as changes in memory, routines, decision-making, or everyday tasks.

The First Changes I Noticed

My mom was around 81, when I first began noticing small changes. None of them, on their own, seemed especially concerning.

Over a period of several months, I invited my mom over for dinner a few different times. Each time I arrived to pick her up, she looked genuinely surprised to see me, almost as if she was wondering why I was there. We had made the plans together, yet she had no memory of them.

A Small Change That Didn't Make Sense

Another change involved something as ordinary as her garbage collection. My sister had arranged both garbage and recycling services for our Mom. One service was provided by the municipality, while the other required payment. At some point, my mom cancelled the garbage collection service, even though she still needed it.

None of us could understand why.

Looking back, I don't think it was really about the garbage collection. It was one of the first signs that she was having difficulty understanding something that had once been simple.

Trusting Our Instincts

I remember saying to my family, "I think Mom may be showing the early signs of dementia."

Their response was, "No, we don't think so."

It wasn't because anyone was ignoring what was happening. Like many families, we thought these changes were simply part of getting older. Everyone gets forgetful from time to time.

Looking back now, I realize those small moments were the beginning of a journey our family never expected.

You're Not Alone

If you're noticing changes in your own aging parent, please know you're not alone. Many adult children struggle with knowing when to step in, what to say, or where to begin.

Next in this series: How do you start the conversation when your parent insists everything is fine?

I'm a Seniors Real Estate Specialist (SRES) and also a Canadian Certified Seniors Representative, based in Langley, BC. I work with families in Langley and across the Fraser Valley. I share stories like this one because I've lived this journey myself and with the help from my family transitioned our mom from living on her own into long term care. Our mom, a few years ago was diagnosed with dementia and when her disease progressed our family could not provide the care she needed.